Being Aware, Stayin' Alive!

I've been totally snuck up on! I can hardly believe it's the first of November! Even just yesterday November still seemed far away. I live in perpetual denial of passing time. Even though yesterday, next month was tomorrow, next month sounded so much further away. After posting this I'll rip the October off my desk blotter calendar and slide it beneath the other months passed of this year and maybe before I turn out the light I'll finally change the time on the digital clock by the bed (THIS, writing this and getting it posted with November 1st as the date, is MY extra hour from the time change - without it I wouldn't have a start on grabbing this next to the last month of the year and renewing an intention of consistency and constancy and actually blogging daily THIS month).

There were soooooo many things I expected to have done/started so that this now countdown to the passing of yet another year would flow smoothly - and I didn't. I feel sedated (tranquilized came to mind to use in this sentence, but somehow doesn't seem right to use - tranquility being perceived as a sought after state), sedated out of awareness/consciousness of the irretrievability of the moments just slipping unproductively passed. I think of Robin Williams in the movie 'Dead Poet's Society' and his manic admonition of "SEIZE the day!" I've been SOOOOOO passive and easy-going so much of my life, the concept of seizing anything seems foreign and yet each time my darlin' is here at 'home' for a too brief weekend I want to SEIZE that time and multiply it and make it count for all the cumulative days that have passed since the last time he was home and for all the days that will pass before he comes home again. It feels SO urgent to do so.

I don't know whether it's the day of the time change that had me contemplating time today or what, but I had an unexpected flashback memory this morning as CBS Sunday Morning ran a piece on the Bee Gees. I was back in high school when their music was something heard daily - at a dance in the cafeteria after a basketball game and dancing with Marcus, the stereotype handsome brotha with his downy 'fro, disco sleeved purple shirt over bell bottom jeans and platforms. It was one of those moments depicted in a movie scene where we were SO tearin' it up on the dance floor that everyone else stopped to watch us. Gosh I miss dancing like that! Seems like just last night - not over 30 yearrs ago! I'd forgotten...gonna hafta find some disco I can listen to tomorrow, or Motown or something!

Time flies! It really, really does.